This is why the south is flooding. God didn’t do it.<\/p><\/div>\n

This is especially relevant right now as a few weeks ago one of the garbage-spewing televangelists was\u00a0telling everyone the south is flooding because gay people are getting married. \u00a0Or whatever it is that will get them ratings this week. \u00a0It makes me sick to my stomach. The south is flooding because a) there’s a hurricane and b) the south is in its path. \u00a0Now while I did not consult God on this, I’m pretty sure the hurricane wasn’t on the agenda for the day. \u00a0“Oh, let’s see…yeah…let’s whip up a hurricane, those people have been pretty evil lately…”<\/p>\n

Except the good ones who are being flooded out too. \u00a0Maybe the best way to be a sinner is to lie quietly among the saints and hope God doesn’t notice you.<\/p>\n

People ask me, “Are you a Christian?” as if they’re asking me if I’m a Freemason. I want to respond to the question with another question; What’s the real question here?<\/em>\u00a0Are they trying to determine if I think like they do (assuredly not), or if I really believe that Jesus was who He said He was.<\/p>\n

So what’s a person who loves\u00a0Jesus to do? \u00a0Say, “yes, I’m a Christian,” and be lumped in with people who won’t bake a cake for someone who’s gay? Or someone who thinks it’s okay to beat your kids into submission (spare the rod, etc.), or not give them medicine because the Bible “says so”? \u00a0Or someone who’s wife is a shadow of her former self because of his bullying assertion that he’s the man of the house (again, the Bible “says so”).<\/p>\n

Sorry, I can’t do that. I won’t do that. These people may call themselves Christians, but their behavior is more telling than any self-appellation. They may be Christians, but they don’t seem to be following Christ’s example. \u00a0As Gandhi famously said, he liked our Christ, but he wasn’t so sure about Christians. \u00a0I have to agree with Mahatma on this one. \u00a0Even as I am one, I’m not so sure about us.<\/p>\n

In fact, I’m very much not-so-sure\u00a0of it. I agree with Mahatma, as would Jesus. I don’t know everything, but I’m pretty sure of a few things. I’m sure that\u00a0Christian who hold a God Hates Fags<\/em> sign at a funeral isn’t loving his neighbor. \u00a0I’m pretty sure parents who thinks that they have to home-school their fifteen kids so the Devil won’t teach them about the earth being more than 6,000 years old are not open to loving their neighbors either. \u00a0People who claim to love the sinner and hate the sin usually get it half-right. \u00a0They pick and choose from the scriptural smorgasbord and take the stuff they like (women, submit yourselves to your husbands…) and ignore the stuff they don’t (neither do I condemn thee).<\/p>\n

Now the irony here is that some of these Christians will read what I write and will say one of several things, and maybe all of them:<\/p>\n

1) \u00a0“You\u00a0need to repent.”
\n2) \u00a0“You are persecuting us.”<\/p>\n

In response:<\/p>\n

1) \u00a0Absolutely. But not for this.
\n2) \u00a0No, I’m not. \u00a0Just because someone disagrees with you doesn’t make you a martyr. \u00a0If you show up at a funeral telling a family that their son was killed in Afghanistan because Americans allow homosexuality, you’re going to get beat up by a former Navy SEAL because you’re being a dick, not because you’re suffering like Paul before Agrippa. \u00a0 It’s the height of arrogance and narcissism to think you’re anything at all resembling an early church follower being martyred for their beliefs.<\/p>\n

Because Jesus\u00a0didn’t go around telling people they were going to hell. He told them what\u00a0they could<\/em>\u00a0become if\u00a0they wanted<\/em> to.<\/p>\n

He loved everybody. All of them. No exceptions.<\/p>\n

So, agnostic or atheist\u00a0friends (I have a fair number\u00a0of them), I hope you remember that for every Christian who holds\u00a0a God Hates Fags sign at a funeral or who thinks that they have to home-school their fifteen kids so the Devil won’t teach them about the earth being more than 6,000 years old, there are thousands of people just trying to be more like Jesus. \u00a0Followers of Christ. Not Christians.<\/p>\n

I am not perfect. I make no claim to anything of the sort. I am a mess, and thankfully, I have a good example of how to behave in how I treat other people and how I treat myself.<\/p>\n

You think Pat Robertson, Jerry Falwell and Oral Roberts invented the genre? Nope. This guy.<\/p><\/div>\n

 <\/p>\n

Back in 1915, Carl Sandburg must have felt a lot like me when he heard the tent-show preacher Billy Sunday use his particular style of preaching to “win souls for Jesus,” and to earn a little on the side, I’m sure. He saw through the theater and saw the lack of substance and emotional manipulation and saw what was really there. He wrote a poem about it, and I love that poem. While we are all hypocrites to some extent, we don’t all make a living at it.<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n

Billy Sunday<\/em><\/strong><\/div>\n

<\/div>\n

<\/div>\n

You come along… tearing your shirt… yelling\u00a0<\/em>about Jesus.<\/em><\/div>\n

<\/div>\n

I want to know… what the hell… you\u00a0<\/em>know about Jesus.
\n<\/em>Jesus had a way of talking softly and everybody<\/em>
\nexcept a few bankers and higher-ups among the<\/em>
\ncon men of Jerusalem liked to have this Jesus<\/em>
\naround because he never made any fake passes<\/em>
\nand everything he said went and he helped the<\/em>
\nsick and gave the people hope.<\/p>\n

<\/em>You come along squirting words at us, shaking<\/em>
\nyour fist and calling us damn fools so fierce the<\/em>
\nfroth of your own spit slobbers over your lips —<\/em>
\nalways blabbing we’re all going to hell straight<\/em>
\noff and you know all about it.<\/em>I’ve read Jesus’ words.<\/p>\n

I know what he said. You\u00a0<\/em>don’t throw any scare into me.<\/em><\/div>\n

I’ve got your\u00a0<\/em>number. I know how much you know about<\/em>
\nJesus.<\/em>He never came near clean people or dirty people<\/em>
\nbut they felt cleaner because he came along. It<\/em>
\nwas your crowd of bankers and business men<\/em>
\nand lawyers that hired the sluggers and murderers<\/em>
\nwho put Jesus out of the running.<\/em><\/p>\n

I say it was the same bunch that’s backing you that<\/em>
\nnailed the nails into the hands of this Jesus of<\/em>
\nNazareth. He had lined up against him the<\/em>
\nsame crooks and strong-arm men now lined up<\/em>
\nwith you paying your way.<\/em><\/p>\n

This Jesus guy was good to look at, smelled good,<\/em>
\nlistened good. He threw out something fresh<\/em>
\nand beautiful from the skin of his body and the<\/em>
\ntouch of his hands wherever he passed along.<\/em><\/p>\n

You, Billy Sunday, put a smut on every human<\/em>
\nblossom that comes within reach of your rotten<\/em>
\nbreath belching about hell-fire and hiccuping<\/em>
\nabout this man who lived a clean life in Galilee.<\/em><\/p>\n

When are you going to quit making the carpenters<\/em>
\nbuild emergency hospitals for women and girls<\/em>
\ndriven crazy with wrecked nerves from your<\/em>
\ngoddam gibberish about Jesus — I put it to you<\/em>
\nagain: What the hell do you know about Jesus?<\/em><\/p>\n

Go ahead and bust all the chairs you want to.<\/em>
\nSmash a whole wagon load of furniture at every<\/em>
\nperformance. Turn sixty somersaults and stand<\/em>
\non your nutty head. If it wasn’t for the way<\/em>
\nyou scare women and kids, I’d feel sorry for<\/em>
\nyou and pass the hat.<\/em><\/p>\n

I like to watch a good four-flusher work but not<\/em>
\nwhen he starts people to puking and calling for<\/em>
\nthe doctors.<\/em><\/p>\n

I like a man that’s got guts and can pull off a great<\/em>
\noriginal performance, but you — hell, you’re only<\/em>
\na bughouse peddler of second-hand gospel —<\/em>
\nyou’re only shoving out a phony imitation of<\/em>
\nthe goods this Jesus guy told us ought to be free<\/em>
\nas air and sunlight.<\/em><\/p>\n

Sometimes I wonder what sort of pups born from<\/em>
\nmongrel bitches there are in the world less<\/em>
\nheroic than you.<\/em><\/p>\n

You tell people living in shanties Jesus is going to<\/em>
\nfix it up all right with them by giving them<\/em>
\nmansions in the skies after they’re dead and the<\/em>
\nworms have eaten ’em.<\/em><\/p>\n

You tell $6 a week department store girls all they<\/em>
\nneed is Jesus; you take a steel trust wop, dead<\/em>
\nwithout having lived, gray and shrunken at<\/em>
\nforty years of age, and you tell him to look at<\/em>
\nJesus on the cross and he’ll be all right.<\/em><\/p>\n

You tell poor people they don’t need any more<\/em>
\nmoney on pay day and even if it’s fierce to be<\/em>
\nout of a job, Jesus’ll fix that all right, all right —<\/em>
\nall they gotta do is take Jesus the way you say.<\/em><\/p>\n

I’m telling you this Jesus guy wouldn’t stand for<\/em>
\nthe stuff you’re handing out. Jesus played it<\/em>
\ndifferent. The bankers and corporation lawyers<\/em>
\nof Jerusalem got their sluggers and murderers<\/em>
\nto go after Jesus just because Jesus wouldn’t<\/em>
\nplay their game. He didn’t sit in with the big<\/em>
\nthieves.<\/em><\/p>\n

I don’t want a lot of gab from the bunkshooter in<\/em>
\nmy religion.<\/em><\/p>\n

I won’t take my religion from a man who never<\/em>
\nworks except with his mouth and never cherishes<\/em>
\na memory except the face of the woman on the<\/em>
\nAmerican silver dollar.<\/em><\/p>\n

I ask you to come through and show me where<\/em>
\nyou’re pouring out the blood of your life.<\/em><\/p>\n

I’ve been in this suburb of Jerusalem they call<\/em>
\nGolgotha, where they nailed Him, and I know if the<\/em>
\nstory is straight it was real blood ran from his<\/em>
\nhand and the nail-holes, and it was real blood<\/em>
\nspurted out where the spear of the Roman<\/em>
\nsoldier rammed in between the ribs of this Jesus<\/em>
\nof Nazareth.<\/em><\/p>\n

Thanks, Carl.<\/p>\n

Respectfully submitted,<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

Canoelover<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

This has nothing to do with paddling. But nothing says that I have to only write about paddling. My house, my rules. I remember when I was a kid over at some friend’s house. His parents were expressing outrage over … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.canoelover.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2854"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.canoelover.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.canoelover.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.canoelover.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.canoelover.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2854"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/www.canoelover.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2854\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3007,"href":"https:\/\/www.canoelover.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2854\/revisions\/3007"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.canoelover.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2854"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.canoelover.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2854"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.canoelover.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2854"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}